Musings From New York

My Travel Plans

I'm going to be travelling a lot over the next 2 months. I'm headed out to Chicago tomorrow, for the July 4th Weekend. I'm back Tuesday night, and leaving for Scranton Wednesday. I'll be over at Scranton for pretty much most, if not all, of July ... I may get a project here in NYC that'll require me to divide my time ... and I might have to go to Houston for a week.

I've also booked 3 weeks of vacation time, beginning 30th July, and hope to get tickets to fly to India then. I'd be back around 20th August. I'm not sure which route I'll be travelling. Although Singapore is a very tempting prospect (I haven't met Vidya for ... oh, 4 or 5 years), it'd also mean the loss of a day (or maybe even 2) both ways. Which'd effectively cut down the time in Bangalore to 2 weeks or so. Let's see ...

My Intellectual Meltdown (4/4)

Well, here it is ... the last part I ever wrote! Thanks again to Malz for the translations! (As an aside, these aren't particularly filmi dialogues ... I think! So if anyone wants to take another crack at it, please do!)

Andy arrives outside the Maya Mansion. It is a large white 2-level house, with a large central hall (marble) with 2 staircases coming down on either side. The party is already going on in full swing. Andy walks in with a present. Maya sees him and runs to him. He smiles, and gives her the present. She thanks him, and offers him some refreshments. As they are about to start talking, the cake (big & white ... lots of icing) comes in, carried by their faithful family servant, SSR. Maya
insists that Andy stands next to her when she cuts the cake and gives the first piece to Andy.

(Cue ominous music) Cut to shot of Adarsh's face half-hidden in shadows.

(Cut shot of Andy & Maya) Guru runs up with a guitar and asks Maya to sing a song. Maya says, "Mujhe ek saat guitar bajaana aur gaana gaana nahin aata (I can't play a guitar and sing)". Andy smiles, and takes the guitar from Guru. Maya says "Wow!" as everyone clears a circle. Andy starts to strum a few chords, and Maya starts to sing ... but suddenly starts coughing. She looks at everyone helplessly.

(Cue background orchestra music). Andy starts to sing: (Voiceover Kumar Sanu) Heyhey, aaa ha haaaaa ... Mein Prem ... Ka Dushman ... Nahin Hooooooon. (Cut to revolving overhead camera) Shot of Andy walking around, singing, and Maya looking adoringly at him. Every minute or so, Adarsh walks into the shot looking darkly at Andy. He finishes the song, and everyone applauds.

(Cut to outdoors shot, Andy is walking home, humming the song tune). Suddenly Adarsh steps out the shadows in front of Andy! "Acha gaa lethe ho (You sing well)" he says. "Thanks", says Andy guardedly. Suddenly Adarsh bursts out "Tum Maya se door raho, samjhe, door raho! (Stay away from Maya!)" and moves towards Andy menacingly. Andy takes a step back and says "Kya?! Tum kya bakvaas kar rahe ho? (What are you talking about?)" "Tum bas usse door raho, varna pachtaaoge (Just stay away from her)!!" shouts Adarsh, and runs away! (cue ominous music)

In tomorrow's chapter: Higher studies in Germany!
Gaana!!! (Voice-over of Lata singing Yeh Dil, Yeh Zindagi)
Masala!!!! (Cut to shot of young Thakur and thugs fighting with Andy, as Maya and Kiku are tied to a boat near a waterfall)

Celebrations I Endorse

I wonder why we didn't have a parade to mark this solemn day.

My Intellectual Meltdown (3/4)

Thanks to Malz for providing translations to the next chapter in my bad Hindi movie script! Sound effects provided for free! This is the penultimate chapter of the story ... I got my Internet connection and phone line fixed up at the apartment after that ... so I had better things to do with my time!!

Fade out from the shot of the oil lamp into ... the flashback scene!

The scene: the campus of R. B. Kodali Engineering Polytechnic Institute of Science. 3 punks are hanging out in jeans and t-shirts, with those backpacks we used to have. A girl walks by in a short skirt, and all the guys turn their heads and whistle. The girl looks uncomfortable and starts walking faster. The guys follow her, and she starts running. The catch up and surround her in an alley. They then engage in ... eve-teasing (gasp! actually, I can't be bothered to write so much dialogue!) ... (insert ominous music here). The girl answers back and one guy raises his hand to hit her (hand goes off-screen).

But the punk can't bring his hand down! Pan camera to reveal Andy slouching against the alley wall, with shades and a cap holding the guys hand. He lets go of the hand as the girl runs behind him. The punks threaten Andy, moving towards him. Andy answers back calmly, removing his shades and tucking them into his t-shirt top (which BTW, reveals some chest hair!) Andy removes his cap and throws it at one of the goondas. As the punk catches it, Andy throws a punch (dishum!) and sends the punk sprawling against the wall (aarh!). Andy turns round, and dodges a punch and leaps up and does a split, kicking the other two punks in the head (dishum!). They fall down unconcious. Andy turns around to see the third guy running away in fear. Andy catches up with him, and as he is about to punch the guy, is asked "Tu hai kaun (Who are you)??". He replies (dum dum daaaa!), "Mera naam hai ... Andy (dishum!) ... Andy Vikram Patil! (My name is ... Andy (dishum!) ... Andy Vikram Patil!)".

Andy turns to the girl, and says "Phikar mat karo, yeh thumhe kuch nahin kar sakte (Don't worry, they won't hurt you)". The girl says in a low voice, "Agar aap nahin hote, tho mera kya hota! ( I don't know what I'd have done without you here)". "Main hoon na! Tumhe phikar karne ki koi zarurat nahin (I'm here! There's no need to worry)", says Andy, turning quickly as hears footsteps running behind him. He sees a group of guys and girls looking worried, and recognizes one of  them. "Hey Guru", he calls out. "Andy", gasps Guru in relief, "Tu teek tho hai (Are you alright)?!" "Main bilkul teek hoon (I'm perfectly fine)", says Andy shortly, and turns to leave.

As he walks away, the girl runs up behind him. "Suno (Listen)", she says, "Main aapka shukriya kaise karoon?! Aaj mera janam din hai, and mere ghar pe aaj raat ko party hai. Aapko aana hi hoga...please, aaiye na! (How can I think you? Today's my birthday, and I have a party at my house. You have to come ... please, come!)". Andy bends down to pick up his cap. He stands up, and smiles at the girl. "Aap bulae aur main na aaon? Main zaroor aaonga! (How can I refuse such an invitation? Of course I'll come)". The girl blushes, then smiles at him and runs off with her friends. Andy calls out her "Lekin...tumhara naam to batao! (At least tell me your name!)".

The answer floats gently in the air. "Maya ..." (overlay senti music)

To be continued ...

Tomorrow, on Lifestyles of the Rich & Famous, Maya's Party!

Gaana (Songs) ... (overlay male voice singing the song, "Mein Pyar Ka Dushman Nahin Hoon (lit. I am not an enemy of love")!!

Masala (cut to scene where Andy is told by Adarsh to leave Maya alone ... dum dum daaa)!!

My Intellectual Meltdown (2/4)

This is one of the better pieces (or series) that I wrote immediately after the last piece ... well, a few months later. Since then, my more creative writings have been confined to reports & proposals I've written at work! So ... proudly presenting my (according to Nishant) "quintessential stereotypical hindi movie" script. I think I was channeling the ghosts of countless Mithun & Dharmendra movies I was forced to watch as a kid (for lack of anything else to watch)! Also, I don't know much Hindi ... so thanks to Vidya for providing translations! (English translation in parentheses) Also, some names have been changed out of decency, or cos Gowri gave me hell this morning as the original heroine had the same name.

To give you  a bit of background to this piece, one of my wingies - Aniruddha Patil - was quitting his job with Booz-Allen in Germany, and moving back to India to take up a job with the World Bank. His responsibilities would include travelling to remote parts to assess transportation infrastructure (road, rail, etc.) projects.

I have visions of Andy in a white cotton half-sleeve shirt, and blue jeans, in a jeep in the middle of ... (insert random state name here). The jeep stops in the village center ... The entire village has turned out to greet (insert fanfare here) Patilsaab, the man with the power of life and death over the village, the man with the tarmac and the roadroller!

The village panchayat gather around, and offer him a chair and some water. They beseech him (one guy is pressing Andy's leg), Patilsaab, the thakur in the neighbouring village does not want the road to be built here. He has burned our farms and stolen our cattle. Patilsaab stands up suddenly ... Cut to his burning eyes. He throws the glass away and wipes his mouth. He says ... idhar rukho... main us kameene thaakur se tumhare gai bhais le aaoonga ("Wait for me here, I will bring back your cattle").

He boards the roadroller, and sets off in the direction of the Thakur's palace.

Cue nightfall ... Andy has managed to leave the village in the roadroller

Cue next morning ... Andy is halfway there

Cue nightfall ... A small hut next to a cattle pen ... One goonda standing outside with a rifle, smoking a beedi. He hears a strange rumbling sound, and turns around and screams, Nahiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, Urghhhhhh ("Nooooooooooooooooooo, Urghhhhhh"), as Andy rolls over him.

The Thakur and his men, hearing the commotion, run outside with weapons. (insert fanfare) Andy stands up and shouts, Thaaaaakur!! He remembers all the good times he had in the village. Cue to song-and-dance sequence with village belle Radha, who went missing many weeks ago. Andy's eyes brim with tears, and then turn red with anger. Thaaaaaaaaaaakur!!!!!!! He shouts again.

... To be continued (insert fanfare here)

The next part was written by another wingie of mine, Rubal. I wrote the next two parts, after which I got very bored, and abandoned this thread  ... but here's Rubal's piece:

The whole building shakes with Andy's shout... Thakur's men start attacking Andy but he steamrolls them a La Rajnikant Style.. (Insert Lightning and all kinds of dishuummm etc).. And just as Andy finishes with the last of Thakur's henchmen, a revolver goes off somewhere and Andy realises that the Thakur has Radha and his mother all tied up to a bamboo pole and about to be burnt alive... He realises that he must save them first and as the fire is ignited (insert Thankur's barbaric laughter) he jumps in the air all the way to his mom and Radha. Thakur walks off with the usual apni maa or dilruba ko bacha sakta ha to bacha le ("Save your sweetheart and mother if you can") as he walks away to a safer destination on a horse... Take to Andy (Insert high pitch music rising in pitch every second) as Andy valiantly starts untying his mom and Radha and just as he is done with hands half burnt, you can hear the villagers in hordes coming their way ... (Insert fanfare) as the villagers celebrate the rescue operation. And a dance and song sequence follows in lush green meadows with Andy(whose burnt hand has obiviosuly healed) and Radha. The song and dance ends with nightfall and Andy and Radha rolling around in dried grass.. Slowly the camera rolls all over the two of them, Andy on top of Radha wearing all her clothes and ending in Andy's feet touching hers as the oil-lamp fades away.......

Trust Rubal to work sex into it somehow ... The next two parts will be up tomorrow, once Vidya finishes the English-Hindi translations :D

Good News, Everyone!

This letter arrived in my brother's Inbox today:

22 June 2005

Kartik Anand
London W2 1TT

Dear Kartik,

This letter concerns your application to read for a PhD in Mathematics at King’s College London. We are now making you an informal offer of a place to read for a PhD in the area of Disordered Systems and Neural Networks starting in September 2005.

I am pleased to say that we can offer you financial support from our EPSRC Doctoral Training Account.  This support would cover all your fees together with a stipend to cover living costs (which will be at the level of £14,000 per annum with possible inflationary increases after the first year) and funding to attend at least one relevant conference, summer school or workshop during the period of your PhD research. Grant awardees will normally also be invited to undertake a limited amount of tutorial teaching for the department, for which an additional stipend is payable at a standard rate.

Congratulations, Kartik! ... BTW, he specificially asked me to mention he was making a wad of cash, the showy bugger!
   

My Intellectual Meltdown (1/4)

I was talking with Sowmya the other day about my blogging habits ... she seemed to think it pointed to intellectual creativity and all that. While I might have been adventurous in the days of my youth, and a prolific letter writer (I wonder if Vidya still has that letter I wrote where I spelt everything phonetically), I point to my written account of a journey from NYC to Portsmouth a few years ago as the watershed in the now-terminal decline of my writing prowess. I'd mailed this account to a few people, but now present it to you in all its (ugh) glory!

The sun was low in the sky and our hearts and heads were held high as we set out upon our quest for glory and riches, the tales of which I will now recount.

We arrived at our port and were quickly ushered through to our transportation. We exchanged seats with a man so that he could sit next to his man … friend. In doing so, we noticed a reasonably cute looking South Asian girl sitting by herself. Our new seat neighbour, the cad and bounder that he was, pilfered the fair lady's blanket, leaving her with no means to stave off the cold, harsh, dry and pleasantly scented compressed air. Immediately upon takeoff, we caught the attention of a passing wench and having armed ourselves with additional eiderdown, approached the fair maid. Our smiles quickly disarming the initial defenses, the proferred blanket quickly assured the quick capitulation of any additional resistance. We swiftly followed with our introduction, 'pon which the maid bashfully offered hers. Our smiles stayed fixed as we learnt that she was a Pakistani lady (not a maid, as previously categorized) who had seen a mere one-score-and-five turns of the seasons, and that she had been married for five summers now. After all, no true gentleman would lose interest in an amiable companion just because his hopes were dashed against rocks so stormy that Wagner would've thrown away his quill and paper. Our smiles quickly turned genuine as we learnt that the fair lady had just found out that she would be hearing the patter of little feet in coming months (mice, what can you do?)

Having accepted the lady's invitation to dinner, we regaled her with tales of New York city. The lady in turn assured us that she loved to shop in New York, having just spent over $400 on a pair of sunglasses. She clarified that she spends about four to six months of the year in Dubai, where apparently, looks are everything. Something told us that she would not adopt peasant garb the moment she moved from Dubai, but we prudently refrained from commenting. She was delighted to inform us that her birth anniversary was upcoming, and went on to add that though her husband had offered to buy her a Ferrari, she had been forced to decline after test-driving a friend's vehicle. She sighed heavily as she confessed that she would have to make do with a Mercedez Benz SLK 500 (her second). As we talked, we noticed a number of small but incredibly beautiful diamonds on bracelets, earings and rings. We ruminated on the fact that we might have spent less on our years of education than our companion had on the jewelery she was wearing.

But alas, the Sandman came calling, and we had no choice but to return to our seat to concoct further delusions of grandeur and world domination.

The next day saw us arrive at our final destination, after exchanging phone numbers and e-mail IDs with our pleasant companion. Our benign mood quickly turned sour as we realized that our newly occupied apartment had neither a telephonic instrument nor a high-speed connection to the Internet. Our mood tarnished further when we realized that our cellphone - which the vendor had previously vouchsafed as being triband - did not function across the pond. Our ever-optimistic turn of mind suggested that we might finally go to sleep at a decent hour, but nonetheless resolved to speak to the powers that be to have the above-mentioned services installed before permanent insanity sets in.

The quest goes ever on …

Stay tuned for episode 2, which will be published whenever I get enough enthu to write.


Note the shifts in tone ... in style ... I just couldn't keep it together!

Batman Begins 8/10

The second salvo in htis summer's comic-book-movies war has been fired. Sin City was the first, Batman Begins followed yesterday ... and Marvel brings up the rear with The Fantastic Four in July (as an aside, looking at the release dates on IMDb, I see that the movie is being released in the US a week after other worldwide releases, including India ... WTF?!)

So I went to see Batman Begins last night ... and had to settle for decent seats at the back of the theater (the queue stretched around the theater!) I must say that while Christian Bale is no Michael Keaton or Val Kilmer, he certainly captures the essence of the tortured vigilante quite well. The problem with the other Batman movies, I've always felt, is that they choose to explain the villains in more detail ... why is the Penguin so bitter? How did Two Face come to be? They never really explain what goes on in the mind of Bruce Wayne, or the Batman. This is probably the best Batman movie I have seen ... of course, in the league of Batman movies, Batman Begins has to contend against the psychadelic campiness of Adam West's Batman, and the extremely cheesy and bad Joel Schumacher one.

Visually, the movie excels - Gotham has never looked so brooding, or so menacing on screen. And since this movie talks about the origins of the Batman, and so doesn't have the spit 'n' shine polish that other Batman movies had (and here, I'm referring to Tim Burton again, not the other abominations that have plagued mankind through the ages). If I hold anything against Christian Bale, its that he looks a bit pouchy in the face when he dons the mask ... and I don't know whether he fakes the raspy lisp in the movie, but I really hated that!

The love interest role was put into the movie more as an afterthought I think ... a sort of LoTR-esque decision along the lines of "We can't have an all-male cast! We must appeal to women too!" I was kind of hoping (as I didn't read much about this angle of the movie), that Batman's love interest might have been Talia, Ra's Al Ghul daughter ... sigh. Gary Oldman seemed a little subdued ... I'm not sure she does good guy roles to well. I associate him too much with the bad-guys ... Count Dracula ... Zorg (The Fifth Element) ... Sirius (OK .. Sirius was a good guy ... in a way! He was more the anti-hero figure).

I did think Liam Neeson was channeling the soul of Qui-Gon Jinn, of course. I half-expected him to say "The Force is strong with you, young Wayne". (Spoiler Alert!) I was a little disappointed that Ken Watanabe had such a small role as Ra's Al Ghul. If you follow the comic books, you'll know that Ra's Al Ghul is a near-immortal, using the Lazarus Pit to replenish himself through the ages. And because of that, I was extremely disappointed to find that the story killed off Ken Watanabe, and turned Liam Neeson into Ra's Al Ghul ... who died at the end as well ... Or did he? Hmmm ...

Because of the focus on the psychology of Bruce Wayne/ Batman, the character development of the Supervillains - Scarecrow & Ra's Al Ghul - wasn't as strong as I'd hoped it would be (again, refer to the Tim Burton movies). I know I complained earlier that Tim Burton's movies didnt talk about what drives the Batman as uch as it talks about his enemies, but I guess I'm saying there should be some sort of balance in the character development, and so far the movies have been Supervillain-focussed, or (now) Batman-focussed.

But I suppose the inevitable sequel would spend a little more time going over Supervillain origin stories. Speaking of sequels, I'm rooting for Mark Hamill to play the Joker. For those of you wondering why I picked Luke Skywalker to be an Uber-villain, I point you to the most excellent and stylized animated Batman series produced by Warner Bros. The shows air on Cartoon Network and WB on Saturdays, and I believe a few DVDs are out as well. To me, this is the definitive version of Batman on-screen, ans Mark Hamill is The Joker!

One other point to mention - Michael Caine probably isn't the best choice for Alfred. A butler is supposed to be sophisticated, suave, and dry-humored. He's not supposed to sound like a Cockney fighter who's moved up and out of the East Docklands! However, Michael Caine's Alfred does bring some moments of comic relief ... albeit, very cheekily. Pick Stephen Fry (best known for playing Jeeves in "Jeeves & Wooster")!

Marathon Man

Ashok Roy: friend, junior, and Tenshun King!

Ashok Roy: The man who drives a Mazda Miata! (Is that how you spell it?)

Ashok Roy: Funda-king, Funda-putter, and Funda-farter

And now ... Ashok Roy: Marathon Man!

Yeah, Roy ran the San Diego Marathon a couple of weeks ago, raising money for the "Assist India's Development" foundation.

He started training & campaigning a month prior to the marathon, raising $2,000, and finishing the race in 6 Hours, 10 Minutes. Congrats, Roy!

Here are some snaps that he forwarded to me.

Perplexing headline du jour ...

Ins't a hurricane supposed to be about wind & rain?